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Boiling Point: Understanding Men and Anger, by Stephen Arterburn, David Stroop
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Being a man in the twenty-first century isn't easy. In fact, trying to live up to a masculine ideal that may be nothing more than myth has left many men frustrated and angry. Often unable to express their emotions, these men appear buttoned-up until a seemingly minor setback unleashes a torrent of rage that can destroy personal and professional relationships.
Does this sound familiar?
- The mistakes of other drivers fill him with road rage
- Setbacks at work send him into a tailspin
- Unmet expectations in his relationship leave him seething
- Holidays and other occasions are filled with tension instead of joy
Suppressed anger, when it finally boils over, scalds everyone involved-including loved ones, co-workers, and even strangers.
Christian counselors David Stoop and Stephen Arterburn offer solutions in this trade paper version of The Angry Man. They show what happens when men's deep-rooted anger starts to ruin relationships, jobs, and health, and they help sufferers find their way back from the brink. Men will find the help they need to reimagine a positive image of their masculinity; their loved ones will find advice on reaching a man at his boiling point.
- Sales Rank: #1115018 in Books
- Published on: 2005-07-27
- Released on: 2005-07-27
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.50" h x .63" w x 5.47" l, 1.00 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 224 pages
About the Author
Steve Arterburn is a bestselling author, radio host, and entrepreneur. He is the founder and chairman of New Life Ministries, the largest faith-based broadcast counseling and treatment ministry. He is also the host of “New Life Live!”―a nationally syndicated daily radio program―and founder of Women of Faith conferences. He is the author of many bestselling books, such as the Every Man’s Battle series and The God of Second Chances. Arterburn lives in Indianapolis with his family.
Most helpful customer reviews
12 of 13 people found the following review helpful.
"The tear in the masculine soul."
By Erik Olson
Many men are burdened with anger and fear, and harm themselves and others as a result. Even professing Christians lash out at their loved ones, or hold their rage inside until they suffer a physical or mental breakdown. Why are men this way? What can the women who love them do to help? "Boiling Point" provides answers to these questions. It's a Christian book, but non-believers will benefit from its insights and principles, which are applicable to men regardless of their beliefs.
This review's titular quote from Catholic priest Ted Dobson is used by Arterburn and Stoop to describe the damage done to men by the lack of a father figure. According to the authors, due to an absent or passive father boys often grow up without proper instruction on how to be a mature man. Without that key role model, they fail to internalize male attributes during their formative years. These boys grow up to be men who suffer from an emotional deficit that they will try to fill with possessions, achievement, and power. But nothing can quell their sense of loss and inadequacy. Therefore, they continue to stew in a perpetual state of anger and fear. Add external pressures from work and family, and men are, well, at the boiling point. At this stage, anything can cause a meltdown. Jobs are lost because of screaming matches with the boss, and relationships are destroyed by attempts to medicate with secret addictions to sex or narcotics. Is there a way for males to deal with their issues and become the men they want to be?
The past can't be changed, but there's still hope in the present. "Boiling Point" was written for women who are married to an angry, fearful man. That's because wives are usually the victims of their husband's issues, whether emotionally or physically. However, a man's wife is also his best hope for healing. To this end, the authors use examples from men's lives to show women how to recognize the warning signs in her loved one. Helpful tools are provided that will help her grasp the situation and lovingly encourage him towards wholeness. For example, each chapter concludes with a section called "Think About It; Talk About It with Him," which contains various types of questions geared towards this goal. The authors admit that the positive conversational examples are best-case scenarios, so it will usually take time and patient effort to see good results. Of course, he must ultimately desire to heal and change as well.
Men shouldn't be put off by the book's focus towards a woman reader. Like Secret deodorant, "Boiling Point" is strong enough for a man, even though it's made for a woman. The authors caution men to avoid the trap of isolation, and exhort them to seek help from trained counselors and other men who can bear their burdens. I saw myself in some of the stories, and the root causes of my anger and fear (along with my inferior responses) were clarified. I was encouraged along the path of dealing with my past hurts and present issues instead of letting them rule me. And the cautionary tales warned me of the consequences of not doing so. For that, I commend the authors.
"Boiling Point" is a necessary book for angry, fearful men and the women who love them. Read it and get help before it's too late.
10 of 13 people found the following review helpful.
Boiling Point Makes Readers Boil
By E. T.
At first glance Boiling Point appears to be written for a general audience of couples, but only one chapter in the reader quickly discovers it's true intent is to teach women to take on the responsibility of diffusing their man's temper.
It opens with a breif story of an angry man throwing a fit in his backyard and shooting his lawnmower. The authors then excuse this behaviour by taking the reader on an opinion-based, and uncredited tour through history, blaming all manly rage on the industrial revolution.
Apparently Dads historically stopped farming and went to the office, leaving Mom to do the impossible job of raising her sons properly. How could she? After all she is not a man, and therefore can't offer any adequate training for her growing boys.
Nowhere in this book are men's behaviors considered their own responsibility. In fact the authors would have the wives take charge of this area by counselling, advising, affirming, and leading men back to their little happy places as alpha males in society.
I would like to know how it is that Moms are not equipped to keep their boys from boiling over after 21 years of raising them (supposedly alone). Why, then, are wives suddenly capable of stepping in and reversing the negative effects of absentee Dads after reading this enlightening book? What is this? The new Men's Liberation Movement?
The book crudely asks its female readers to rate themselves on how adequately and regularily they affirm their spouses "bodies" and "performances in bed." It asks women to ignore bad behavior and try to "fix" it by counter attacking with flattery. In essence, it asks women to allow men to be angry and not hold them accountable, because after all, it's not their fault. It's their Father's fault for bailing out. It's society's fault for advancing in technology and industry instead of agriculture. It's anybody's fault--just not the angry man's.
The authors could politely write a sequel to diffuse women who reached their own boiling point after reading this strange piece of fiction.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Excellent read. A good self-help book for all
By MD, FL
Excellent read. A good self-help book for all, especially those entering into a relationship, or already in one whether this is an issue or not.
It definitely makes clear the heart of the breadown in a family unit, lack of spiritual leadership, co-dependency, and abuse situations. My opinion is this should be a standard teaching in our educational system as well as a starting basis within the home for parents.
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